we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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