I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
