i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
