Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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