i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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