we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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