You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
