This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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