sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
