Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
