am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sarcasm needs its own font
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
