BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
