i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
God, I missed his penis.
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