If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
