At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
