Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
