Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
