Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
