It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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