Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
