at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
