Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
