is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
