so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
