They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize