we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
