Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
