There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
