I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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