I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
