I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
