I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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