got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
