party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
