I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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