OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
