As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
