He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
