Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
