You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
