9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
