please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
