Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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