My pussy is not your playground.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
