Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
