She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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