I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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