You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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