i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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