he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
