I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
