someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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