Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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