my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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