Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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