You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
