i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you had me at cake vodka
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drunk is a universal language darling
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
