now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
