I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
