i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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