Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
