she looked like the before picture.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
