Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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