she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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