I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
