No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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