I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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