And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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