Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
