come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
