So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
